Sunday, November 04, 2007 00:16
行き先は何れ位遠く遠い所なの？

have switched entirely to livejournal. this blog will stay up, as a memento, but i doubt i will still post anything.

bonne chance.

Sunday, October 28, 2007 17:44
teo chee hean

so he came over for a visit today, and i casually asked him, "what do you think of NMP Thio?"

and in classic politicianspeak, he replied, "well, i think she's a bright woman. i don't always agree with what she says, but she's a bright woman."

i didn't press him further.

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Wednesday, October 24, 2007 22:15
on conservatism, part I (edited)

i don't believe what i just heard on the channel 5 news. there's actually a lawsuit going on, right here in singapore, involving an exorcism.

an exorcism! i won't even provide a link because it's so preposterous.

so after winding back the clocks from civil liberties to claim that gay sex is like shoving a straw up your nose to drink and inherently harmful to your body (NMP Thio Li-ann with her ill-deserved law degree from harvard), we now have an attempt to purge a human body of spirits in novena church, an act which was last officially sanctioned performed [whoops kels] by the catholic church in the 17th century.

we are that mediaeval. in spite of my friends, my opinion of christians in singapore just keeps going down, down, down. ian has observed more than once that christianity in singapore tends to be a middle-class-and-above religion, and usually corresponds with slightly higher education than the general population. no arguments there, but it seems every passing incident vindicates my theory of the mindset bottleneck more and more.

i can't even remember when i came up with that hypothesis; it was so long ago, and i doubt i ever gave it a name—at least not this name in particular. but i do remember invoking it, explicitly or implicitly, in any number of monographs i have written. the line of thought goes like this: despite having a thoroughly open mindset to begin with, as a person (or, in aggregate, a people) starts to get educated, his mindset will narrow sharply, and only gradually widen as he progresses up the educational ladder. the point at which it throws itself fully open again is the attainment of what has been termed, in religious contexts, as Enlightenment.

the reasoning is simple, and the assumptions more so. to simplify, the former is that, in the beginning, man is without any knowledge of the world, and is thus acutely aware of his limits, and bears no preconceptions; he looks upon the world with curiosity in order to find out more, and neither judges or prejudges because he is unable to without a yardstick. as he learns, however, he finds out what is usual and normal, and what is not; ideas then form, based on experience and a dash of logic, as to what ought to be normal. because his knowledge is still severely limited here, his mindset closes to a chokingly narrow state, and only opens in drips and drops as inquiry reveals not just more of the world, but also of the inadequacies of his methods and reasoning. gradually the cumulative effect will build and the enlightenment will arrive, like a hyperbola on a mathematical graph, after the flexion point is reached.

the theory practically traces the history of the western world from the prehistoric ages, through the greeks, romans and their many gods (the classical age is but a highly stylised culmination of the blind feeling that was early learning, and it ended with, among other things, plato sniffing at the ancient greek pederastic custom, and christian theodosius I desecrating the ancient roman pagan religion), the middle ages with its crusades and witch-burnings, the renaissance that brought with it the scientific method and galileo, followed by the enlightenment, which eventually, one might say, led up to the civil liberties revolution of the 1960s.

it doesn't fit the east that well, though. china, india (which other nation gave us the kama sutra?), japan and persia, not to mention the african empires of egypt, mali and assyria, among others, adopted highly liberal—even by today's standards—attitudes towards personal identity, choice and behaviour, all throughout their history (arabia, whose trajectory more closely resembles that of europe, is an exception). using homosexuality as an example, since 377A is so hot now:

  1. until mediaeval britain's laws were copied en masse and hence gay sex outlawed in the 17th century by a qing dynasty wishing to ape the west's "modernity" (their idea of "education"), men commonly had intercourse with and married one another; the idiom 吟詩作樂 does not literally mean "compose poetry and make merry", but is a euphemism; the Han emperor Ai (漢哀帝, 劉欣) in 3 BC cut off his sleeve as not to disturb his sleeping (male) lover and contributed "brokensleeve" (斷袖; many others abound—chinese page);
  2. up till the meiji restoration, again when western laws were unthinkingly adopted as part of "modernisation", samurai were known, and even encouraged to, engage in homosexual relationships with their daimyo (overlords);
  3. even in the 18th century persian male brothels were seen as no different from the female ones: they simply paid tax like any other business; baccha were a common sight in samarkand in 1915 (see Prokudin-Gorskii's photo) and still are now.

a major reason why people suddenly become so short-sighted and narrow-minded is conceit. that smugness, self-righteousness and sense of entitlement suddenly renders a person unwilling and at times unable to accept the viability of another point of view. it is, as i call it, the Chosen-One fallacy: "look, i've discovered/realised/found out this, and my excitement and pride now overshadows all logic. you should see the light of my ways. what? how can you not see it? and what is that ignorant philosophy of yours; how could you believe such tosh?!"

isn't this what is happening in singapore right now? a growing middle class aspires to the ways of the west (rich, advanced, culturally dominant) and adopts christianity as part of the package. but in their eagerness and conceit—"ha, i'm more western than you, and so am more sophisticated; you should follow in my footsteps too, but why can't you see the light?"—commit an error that a little bit of history and understanding of how the law works would've prevented.

and so in reading the replies of some MPs to the petition to repeal 377A, you wonder whether they really understand the distinction between criminal law and morals, and the whole concept of a constitution. the one is intended to prevent or at least discourage harm to society by laying out punishments for transgressors, while the other is a personal checklist against which one measures his own actions and decides whether he is living as he wishes; the constitution guarantees the protection of the rights of minority groups, but by all the cowardly rhetoric about the majority's moral objection it seems as though NMP siew kum hoong was justified in exasperatedly pointing out that "majority" can also be coupled with "tyranny of the".

it is ridiculous to use this "majority" argument now when the government has blithely ignored the will of the majority in the past over so many issues. if it is so concerned about the silent majority's views (admittedly no longer silent after MPs etc. suddenly all burst onto scene to chime in against repealing 377A and to cue conservatives to join in), then why ignore it so often? why insist on racial harmony and equal representation then, since we have a majority of chinese? why build the casinos when so many opposed it too? it poses a greater threat to family values because people can become hooked on gambling; they can't on other people having sex, in this case especially if they are straight. gambling can tempt you and make you neglect your spouse, children, work and much else besides, but how can letting other people have sex?! ludicrous.

inconsistency and selective application of principles (clouded under the term "pragmatism", as we all learnt in social studies) is the key grievance here. it is pragmatic to build the casino because it will earn us money, and you all will get over it soon enough. it is pragmatic to welcome talented gay people to work here, even in the civil service, because we just need them to do a job, and we will make money from the pink dollar. but oh dear, what can we gain from legalising gay sex? we'll just lose a huge bunch of votes from the conservative christians and the surprisingly monolithic muslim community, and then what? nah, we'll just say we won't enforce the law but leave it there as a sop to the abrahamic folk. that should do it. there are so few gay people in comparison anyway and betcha most of them don't vote either. so shush, shush, let's move on. it isn't our core agenda anyway.

and i thought i'd given up political activity.

edit: take that, thio li-ann! alfian gives you a slap in the face.

and according to fridae, she also said the following: "Like an open mouth, an open mind must eventually close on something solid." is it just me, or did that come across as unusually freudian?

kudos, though, to MP Charles Chong and PM Lee for their progressive thinking. (and no, thio, we do have a customary definition of what is "progressive", so stop twisting words around; we aren't dumb.)

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Sunday, October 21, 2007 00:33
immanent

i read about poor farmers in china, and i cry, because my heart breaks for those who choose to stay at home and die rather than drag their families further into impoverishment by walking into a hospital.

i look at the present, and from in between the silken threads that connect one consciousness to another rush the waves of memory that crash against the here and now to spill their baggage out in the open. i'd thought that i'd forgotten, but i lost sight of the fragility of the susceptible mind.

  1. i miss daniel.
  2. will i ever love again?

i don't want to. love hurts, and is painful, more so when compounded by the forces of history. but such magnetism, and such pride!

and as the stack of hay on soft grass falls,
the thrush to lovers delicate it calls

two weeks ago hy asked me if i was interested in a part in the short she was making for her film module, and if i knew of anyone who might also be interested. so yesterday evening saw six of us—her, her groupmate, jeremy, her friend, jiahui, colin, kevin and me—in NUS, and later at the esplanade, filming. what fun we had; what fun i had. it's been a long time since i last enjoyed a conversation this thoroughly: obscure references, cheeky jibes, innuendo flying here and there.

and then, of course, hy's undying old habits acting up again for jeremy and colin...

randomly, the uniform of the staff at My Humble House (the chinese restaurant at the esplanade) is such style. maybe it was the girls ogling at the waitresses' high-slit cheongsammy outfits that teased to reveal their slender thighs that made it so memorable, or maybe it was the fact that none of the guys did.

a few nights ago i dreamt of a group of german nationalists trying to gain independence for germany from some unnamed country. and the dream ended in a mass orgy—guy on girl, girl on guy, guy on guy, girl on girl; every permutation was spoken for—inside a sauna room with a condo security guard. i suffer from perplexing issues.

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Sunday, October 07, 2007 21:49
it's one of those times again

my life is dissipated, and i can't even be bothered to write this in a presentable way. my thoughts aren't even coherent anymore. i've lost sight of the goals i set myself just a few months ago when things were looking much brighter, and the daily grind of a limited existence, of an existence limited by the sheer lack of energy to do anything at all, is wearing my mind thin. i've started playing computer games. that shows. i can't even bring myself to read much anymore nowadays, and when i do, it's camus because his novels portray grind, and i can sympathise. not even wikipedia interests me. i just click away on an animated screen.

you know, there ought to be the customary (and i have deteriorated to the point that i needed to check the thesaurus to remember that word) life sucks and all that shit, but you know what? _|_

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007 19:31
on pity

outside my company line right now is the beautiful scene of a burning sunset in a sky streaked with clouds, occurring right behind the buildings of my unit's new compound, some completed and others half-finished.

it could be a National Geographic photo.

it's times like these when i really wish camera phones were allowed in the army.

Thursday, August 30, 2007 23:33
no existe un momento

i think one thing the army has given me, if i were to assess the effect of two years of mind-numbing servitude under ineptitude and among provinciality, would be a heightened sense of race: racialism, or, to put it a little more crudely and a little more controversially, racism. i never used to be a race-conscious person; rarely, if ever, did i find myself thinking about race and ethnicity, and comments to that effect by friends from ethnic groups other than my own should serve as sufficient testimony.

but it seems i am not joined in this by others i have come to know here, among whom some of the better friends i have made, who carry with them racial baggage of considerable weight, and such ponderous trappings unfortunately cloud and colour their impressions and images of non-chinese (there are only three indians among nearly eighty people in the company, and no malays; as it happens two of the three are good friends of mine). it pains me each time someone makes a racially-motivated remark, even though it isn't directed personally at me, and i inevitably feel at the same time embarrassed and ashamd, of such narrow-minded and distinctly uncivil behaviour. i wince, and condemn the insensitive comments, which most appallingly appear to be made offhandedly, casually, but to no apparent avail.

it is here that i confess, that i have scandalised even myself, by having allowed the frequent repetition and reiteration of such callous insults to infiltrate my mind. i have caught myself, albeit just once and even then only in my head, thinking something most basely racial with hardly any provocation. but once is once too many, and i fear that what starts in the head will insidiously begin to manifest itself one day outwardly, to my detriment and to that of everyone else. i am so fond of friends like vaish; i cannot imagine such insensate thoughts or words jeopardising our relationship and our affection. it would be most disgraceful, not to mention painful and lamentable, should things arrive at such an abhorrent and undesirable head.

i am aghast. vigilance is required at times as these, and vigil shall i keep, lest such an ugly monster rear its head anymore. it is imperative that i should immediately seek to realign my associations to more closely fit my belief and principles.

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Friday, August 24, 2007 20:40
on ugly babies, winnie the pooh, and a blueberry cake

i clean forgot my birthday was coming, until i logged into facebook last night to see claud's happy-birthday message on my wall; i forgot again today, until seok gave me a present; then i forgot again. this time, the waitress at Dharma's* brought out a delectable blueberry cake, replete with two large, yellow candles and a sign saying "Happy Birthday", to make sure i wouldn't forget. so sweet of all of them—daniel, seok, grace and jovi. (:

daniel: "i don't like ugly babies! ugly babies are damn ugly!"
grace: "what the hell, ugly babies are damn ugly? if you say stupid babies are damn ugly still makes sense la. hey eugene i'll tell you something: pretty babies are damn pretty."

*a north indian restaurant along clarke quay on the lower stretch of the river. they serve up a mean platter; so mean, in fact, that it didn't occur to me to take a photo of it until we were halfway through. but seok did.

this is going to be a great birthday (:

Friday, August 10, 2007 01:29
i am the patriot

so much for nationalism. here's what happened to my national day bag, barely minutes after getting it:

vive la république. i'm going to bring this to france next year. and i managed to procure a green strip from someone else, so i can become an italian patriot anytime.

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Monday, August 06, 2007 22:58
for vaish

i have to wake up at 5am tomorrow, but because vaish is such a gute freundin who's going to be here only until the 13th i definitely have to make a note of all this first. -grin ohh the dinnertime extravagances.

(1) vaishnavi's birth canal and its toll charge

vaish: no, no indian boy has contributed to my reproductive process. this birth canal is staying shut; it's a roadblock.
ian: so what's the toll charge?
vaish: it's very, very expensive.
ian: well i'm not paying, so it doesn't matter to me!
me: wait, wait. you have a toll charge? so that means you're, er...
ian: —for hire.
[ian and i stare intently at vaish]
vaish: ...shit i really fall into these things.
(2) claudia the '60s hippie

claud: come on, tsz san, share it! they don't know!
tsz san: nah, nah, don't want.
claud: come on! i've already shared myself!
[table erupts in laughter]
(3) vaish's freudian slip

vaish: i'm going to cab home. [points to thong] you can come along and share a cab! because we're going in the same direction.
ian: i'm going in the same direction too, to yishun.
vaish: oh yay! let's do it! 3 people in a cab!
me: [amidst peals of laughter] oh my god!
vaish: [makes to whack me] oh you bloody pervert!

i will never order the vegetable briyani at komala vilas again, because right now it's midnight, 4 hours after dinner, but i'm still as full as i was when i gave up trying to finish the plate. but the mango lassi was really delicious, and dear vaish was so sweet as to treat us to it! aww. (: ian, thong, claud and i bumped into aps at little india station as we waited for vaish (who at the time was already at komala's—hmph), learnt that she was there about her arms (hahaha), and got her to drop by afterwards, so it was a table of 7 for half the dinner, including tsz san.

aren't you glad, vaish, that you have nice friends like us who celebrate your homecoming thus! you bad indian you who has never brought your friends to little india and showed them to its delights haha i will never forget the look on your face as you looked at claud in wonder when she told you that aps had brought her to little india thrice already. "she's such a good indian," huh? ;)

Monday, July 23, 2007 14:30
felines

in a shopping trip to citylink that turned into extensive catching-up with claud at max brenner's, the following conversation occurred, with "english houses" of course referring to just one certain english house with the sign "Richens" hanging at its gate, heh:

claud: i like english houses! they're huge, with a big backyard, so you can have cats in them! i like cats!
me: hmm imagine if you were him. right now you could be saying, instead, "I Like P____"!
claud:!!! no! his cat is really big—
me: ooh!
claud: —and sometimes i'll just be telling him, "i want to play with your cat!"
me: "I Want to Play With Your P____!"
claud: hahaha no, no! what's wrong with you, you're supposed to be gay! not thinking about... p____!
me: haha i like cats! well, i like feline cats. not anatomical cats. ...of course, there's also Atomic Kitten, but.
claud (to ian): -boggle- hahaha isn't that just the most bizarre group of sentences you've heard someone put together in a while??

and other random conversations that led up to the eventual purchase of a pair of shoes (whee!). and a polo tee, and four pairs of bermudas. i did say i wanted a pair of berms, but god damn, i am such a spendthrift. shopping has taken up more than $250 this month, holy crap.